Living With Room-mates

Living with roommates

A place to grow, a place to be challenged on relationship behavioural issues. We all grew up in a time when we were told, "treat others as you want to be treated".

It's not easy when we are still growing into our adult state of mind, when we are trying to find out who we are and how to fit in. Not having all the answers sets us up for doubting ourselves. All within this process we are told to get along. Thinking what others think of us more; then what we think of ourself. This gets us into deep ka ka with our outer experiences. This adds layers onto self doubt, and creates roommate break ups.

Living with roommates and not meeting as a tribe can isolate each other while living together. This breeds ego and contempt for one another. The place to start is to stop getting in your old way of thinking. Becoming aware of what you are actually believing and thinking. Asking from your known authentic head space "is this really true, about me, about so and so?" And even if it is true, learning to let go of any attachment to overthinking in a negative thought pattern about your roommate or yourself.

The third agreement comes into place for practice when we decide consciously to become the observer and challenge any negative thoughts towards yourself or any other.

We are all tribers... http://www.mind-joy.com/article/48/we-are-all-tribers.html

Even roommate situations require a tribal union. An agreement that instead of assuming what another is thinking, we ask questions. Ask questions you say? You must summon courage to ask questions instead of assuming what you think is true or what they are thinking.

This is where Impeccability of your word will come into play. This is the first agreement. Valuing your rarity is a good place to start with being impeccable with your words. Allowing only words that support your existence rather then the ones that take you into negative self talk.

Roommates are usually all in the same boat together. Going to school or work, living in survival mode. Everybody has moods according to their stresses and fears. Living with roommates can be like living in a ping pong machine, everyone hitting off each others moods and tone of voice.

Speaking about tone of voice.... Its all in the tone where people read into what others are thinking and feeling. Consciously deciding your tone can bring a better outcome when living with roommates. Keeping boundaries in expression can create a more peaceful atmosphere for people living together. This is based in the second agreement, Don't take anyone or anything personally. It comes with an understanding that everyone is living their own story. People we live with have their own story and everyone is triggered in reacting from their past.
When we know this we can realize that when a roommate is expressing their side of things, it's really about their story and has nothing to do with you.
We are all free to have perceptions. The only truth in this is that there are a million to one perceptions. When we can allow roommates their perception without taking them personally, everybody wins.

The fourth agreement is do your best! What we know is that doing your best changes from one day to the next depending on circumstances. In situations where we live with roommates it is the helpful if you decide ahead of time that you are going to move in with your best intentions to live in an atmosphere of respect, kindness and love towards one another.
Coming together as a tribe, having a meeting that sets up the known boundaries so you can live in harmony with the tribe.

It works like this: it's come to your attention that you will move in with a new roommate. You make the intention to create an atmosphere of peace and harmony to live together. You intend a tribal meeting to implement the plan of setting boundaries so that the plan can work. After the intention comes the action. The action is following through with the tribal plan and living in the moment with knowing your all on the same page. The momentum will come within this arrangement by planning a tribal meeting every two weeks to check in with the tribe and it's vibe. A good tool to use is between one and ten, (10 being the high end for good and 1 the low end. The relationship can survive under certain measures taken regularly. If the number is 4 or less, this is an indicator that work needs to be done. Everyone then communicates what the solutions will be and from there action is taken. Once everyone is on the same page, you can all build your story into your next chapter of roommates that live happily every after!

• November 2, 2017
• Charlene Hancock